Dueling Grannies

 

Women, even the best of friends, have a way of subtly being in competition with each other, whether they  admit it or not.  Your best friend loses 20 lbs, and suddenly your goal becomes 25.  She gets a breast lift after you both swore that you were strong women that loved your bodies just as they are...and now you're shopping for silicone.  She brags that her husband or boyfriend did the most romantic thing in the world, you get home and tear into your partner for never doing anything for you. It's not that you can't be happy for your friend, its just that  it is a LOT easier when you look and feel better than her.  Yeah I said it.

I always thought that with age and wisdom things would change.  I assumed that the time spent coveting your friends was replaced with canning or trinket collecting. I was wrong.

My mom has had a group of girlfriends for as long as I can remember.  They have been getting together since I was a kid.  They all have kids around my age, so it was no surprise that we starting having kids at the same time. We all had boys, which I think was God's way of getting back at them for years of bitching about men.

The first time mom called me with some baby product advice, I didn't think anything of it.  It seemed innocent. 

Mom:  Do you have one of those things called a Gumbo or Bumbo or something like that?

Me:  No

Mom:  Oh, well Sid said Gavin has one and just loves it.  You should get one of those.

Me:  What is it?

Mom:  I don't know but I'll get you one.

The next week when she came to visit, there it was.  I had a Bumbo. Maybe she just really wants her grandson to be happy and thought this rubber seat would do the trick. That's probably it.

A few weeks later I was talking to mom about Kellen having some trouble with his formula. She had a solution right away:

Mom:  Have you tried those Avent bottles?

Me:  No, aren't those really expensive?

Mom:  Well they might be but Gavin uses them and he doesn't get gas like that. Why don't you return those bottles we got and get those Avent bottles.

Me:  Ok, maybe I will try that, talk to you later Mom.

A few minutes later....my phone rang.

Mom:  Ok, Sid said they are the 16 oz with the yellow nipple.  Are you picking them up now?

Me: I'm on my way...

$60.00  and six months later Kellen was still crying.  In the meantime I was well aware of what Gavin ate, what he wore, words he was saying, that he was potty-trained at a ridiculously young age.  It wasn't until Kellen was almost two that I realized that I wasn't the only one.  During a get-together with Gavin's mom I was telling her about how much Kellen was talking when she stopped me. "Oh I know, Sid told me."  We soon realized what was going on.  The grannies were dueling.

I confronted Mom and let her know that we were on to them.  She laughed and said, "Oh now that's ridiculous, we are not."

Right now Mom and Sid and Kellen and Gavin are at the pool.  Mom thought Kellen needed to start swimming lessons.  It probably had nothing to do with the fact that Gavin  started swimming.   Mom probably was just making conversation when she pointed out that Kellen could hold his breath and go under water longer than Gavin.  That probably wasn't a half-smile I saw as she told me. Time to step your game up Granny Sid, you need a rebound.